This is a very real question that the devil asks me wayyyyy too often! Do you really have the strength necessary to be who you want to be? Now I say this is the devil speaking, which may seem a bit extreme to some, but he is the one who doesn’t want me to succeed. The devil is the one who wants to see me miserable.
Sure, some insecurities may come from just being human and having a human mind, but the real questions that threaten our potential I blame on Satan.
Whether you think that or not, just bear with me.
A few weeks back, I was freaking out thinking I am about to become a mother. I am about to hold a newborn baby in my arms and call him mine. That gift is one of the greatest of all time. Yet, the same day I remember that and feel so empowered, these crashing thoughts begin to intrude. I know. The thoughts every mom has and will have for eternity. Can I do this? Am I cut out for this? Will we survive it? Essentially, any thought that stems from the question, “Do you have what it takes?”
I don’t know the answer. I’m sure I’ll figure it out, but every mother I have ever talked to had to fail and fall short, feel guilty and imperfect, and ache for the sake of their child. It’s less of a question of can I do it, and more of a question of can I do it well?
I don’t know the answer to that either. Probably some days, some days not. But a few weeks ago I realized that the devil had a hold on my mind.
He was telling me that I have to be a perfect mom. That I need to be strong and capable and loving and patient and diligent and I have to be all of it IMMEDIATELY and ALL THE TIME, or else…
Or else my baby will get less than he deserves?
The craziest part is that the devil says I have to do all these things that are good, which makes him sound not all wrong. His motive seems to be to list off all of the qualities that I aspire to be but struggle with and then he yells “BE THAT! BE THAT or you are not good enough. BE THAT or you will fall short.
BE THAT OR ELSE…
… or else this isn’t going to work. BE THAT or don’t even try at all. BE THAT or you don’t have what it takes to be a mom?”
These thoughts are threaded with LIES!
Yet, I, and many of you, listen to crap like this all the time! We grab onto it and replay it in our minds until we turn blue in the face and wish we could just be perfect today.
When having thoughts like this before, friends have encouraged me, saying you are far better than you feel you are. You are stronger than you believe right now. Even though it’s hard, you can do this. A good pep talk, right?… I mean it felt great at the moment. It gave me the hope I needed. So thank you, friends. But today, thinking back on those words, I’m not so sure they feed my mind in the way I need.
They spoke to my mind saying,
You are more than those negative thoughts you are having
– which is the good, true part – but they also only address the issue that was screaming me in the face, instead of the true problem – perfectionism.
As a perfectionist, I love to get a pat on the back but it doesn’t solve my actual problem. All the compliments in the world couldn’t save me from hearing the devil scoff, “You are not perfect!”
I don’t think I am going to solve that here today, but this realization felt important. The thing I really wanted to shed light on is that God speaks very differently than the devil.
Excuse my jumbled half phrases from scriptures as I paraphrase the way I hear Him. God asks us to simply put Him first and then all things will be added unto [us]. He speaks in terms of hope and reminds us, if we don’t feel like we have what it takes, don’t fret because I will be with you. I will be on your right hand and on your left… mine angels round about you, to bear you up. Be not afraid. I will not leave you comfortless. Simply believe on my name.
In my moment of MAHHH-I-am-becoming-a-mother-in-less-than-two-weeks-and-I-can’t-undo-that…I-can’t-click-backspace-and-my-life-is-going-to-change-forever-and-maybe-I-am-not-ready, I took a moment to read my scriptures and spend a little time with God.
Boy am I glad I did because when I realized who I was listening to in my fretted state I understood why Satan sounds so right but is so wrong! His words may sound like good ideas, but all they do is make me feel terrible.
Satan will never teach me that I am not alone in this whereas God helps me remember He is there for me.
Not only do I have divine assistance, but I also have friends and family who love me. God reminded me of the empowering ability I have to call on His name and feel of His love – a love that won’t ever go away, even on the days I forget, bleed impatience, battle with lies, and make colossal mistakes.
Thanks be to Heaven for helping me know His voice a little better today.
Hope you have a great week & don’t give up on fighting against that nasty devil who wants nothing more but to throw us to the ground. I don’t like that guy.
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