During trauma therapy, I was coached through EMDR and IFS therapy. As part of IFS therapy, I separated myself into different parts; this made it easier for my current self to face my past. The evidence-based techniques within IFS therapy were developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz with the idea we are all made up of sub-personalities. Some of which are hurt whereas others are strong and able to steady the internal storms.
IFS®… help(s) people first access their Self and, from that core, come to understand and heal their parts.”
– IFS Institute
To increase my healing, I interacted with my sub-parts. If I am being honest, some of them were not so great to meet at first. For instance, one of them we called the manager. She was bossy and overwhelmed all the time. She was the perfectionist that kept me up at night and made me feel less than all the time. Through therapy this same manager transformed into a confident and caring powerhouse. She became a major part of my Self as she healed and learned she didn’t have to be perfect anymore.
With the New Year in mind, I think it’s time to share one of the conversations I had between me and a different part of myself; it’s this conversation that is largely responsible for changing the way I view myself and providing my mind hope it hadn’t felt in quite some time:
Lonely human, weighted soul, expressionless shell. I am.
I closed my eyes, recalling my unwanted acceptance letter to all three of those earthly statuses. “Where will you go?” she asked.
I don’t know. Seeing no ideas flooding my hollow brain, she prompted, “If you could wish to be any place in the world, where would it be? Where will you take yourself to be free from all of this? Is the sun out? A slight breeze freshening the air with a new life scent. What is your mode of transport, your favorite kind.” Her voice trailed off into the distance as my mind answered each one meticulously.
I looked down at my feet, feeling the grass between my toes. The sun just warm enough to resemble a soft embrace. I remember the bluest of all skies. I moved across the grass on an invisible magic carpet. I explored the entire island, its edges drifting off to more cloudy skies. There was no death, no sadness. There was no hurt, no pain. There was a grassy hill, greener than you’ve ever seen. At the bottom of the hill was a little path. I asked the magic carpet, where does this lead? I looked up and a man with kind eyes like I hadn’t seen in a while, asked me to come with him. I knew with certainty I wanted to follow that man. So me and carpet hurried off. The man was faster than we were and we got a bit lost. The trail had faded. We had to search the island. Then, there it was. It was the brightest light and joy I have ever seen in my life. He said, this is for you. This space, I’ll give to you. I’ll let you feel it. I will let you escape to this joy. If ever you feel dark, close your eyes and think of this place. Where the grass between your toes is crisp yet warm. Where the sky is blue, the air is still, and the colors are richer than any place you know. Come visit here often.
I sat in that place she had led me to for what felt like a day and a half, but in reality it had only been less than a quarter of an hour.
Where is your light source? Where do you find happiness? Where do you go to give your mind refuge?
In the depths of sorrow it is easy to avoid answering these questions and think no one cares, no one understands. It is also easier some days to believe that there is very little light, happiness, or refuge attainable, so why put forth the effort. I get that. I’ve been there, but today we are NOT staying there!
Today, I ask you to think about the loving, caring, or confident part of yourself. We all have them within us. They are there. They are stronger than we sometimes realize. They want to cradle you. They do!
If you need a little musical motivation, just sing it with Simone, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new daaay, it’s a neww liiiife for me!”
With my raised glass of sparkling cider, I hope for you a year of deeper healing and lasting happiness.
Happy New Year to all you loving people!
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