Do you understand my heart? Do you get why I am so stuck? God, I really really want to know you again. You have been there for me before. Why can’t I feel you now?
This time I feel different. It’s not like God isn’t answering some question I have. Instead, it is as if I don’t feel Him close. He feels like He is keeping His distance. Let’s think –
Returning Home From My Church Service Mission
| Before: | After: |
| – I had God’s stamp of approval on my life – I felt lifted frequently – The gospel was clear and constant in my mind – I felt lighter, happier, more upbeat | – I feel unsure about how to feel God powerfully – I want to feel God being proud of who I am – I wonder if before was real – I am confused and feel a bit abandoned |
Practices I did:
| Before: | After: |
| – 1 hour personal study daily – So many prayers a day! (At least 3x) – Weekly Church Attendance – Weekly Service Projects – Testified to others of Christ Daily | – daily study, I read my scriptures, but not for as long – Prayers once or twice per day – Weekly Church Attendance – Looked for opportunities to serve & did them as they came |
This made me jump to this question:
Where have I wanted to notice God, but haven’t?
I want to feel His overpowering love. I want to feel the trust I used to have in Him. I used to feel unstoppable, because of Him. I want His presence in my life to be undeniable again.
I remember thinking, So I am not AS diligent as I used to be. But I also am juggling way more. The time for serving, studying, knocking doors, teaching truth is not the same anymore. I am now supposed to incorporate that into my normal life. I have work, school, homework, dates, game nights, AND church stuff.
Small heavenly promptings then started revealing themselves:
First – A flashback to an undeniable moment of spiritual clarity!
I had felt God powerfully right then, for the first time since returning home. We were at Time Out For Women, a religious conference that brings women together to build faith in Christ. A talented speaker and devoted Christian, Michael McLean began to tell his story. My memory of every detail is a bit foggy, but I remember a few particulars as if I sat in that room twenty minutes ago: His wise voice cradled the audience as he cried out that for nine years he had felt the way I was feeling right then! For nine years he felt alone – he felt distant from God. He asked questions. He prayed. He went to church. He did everything he was supposed to, yet he felt like there was a barrier between God and him. This next thing I will NEVER forget! Michael went on to talk about promises he had made to God. He told himself and God that he was going to keep those promises against all odds – even if he couldn’t hear God, even if he felt alone, even if he didn’t understand God’s ways in certain moments. Never before did he think that it would be nine years that he would have to hold to his word, but he did. I can’t speak to every lesson he learned during that time, but I can say that God spoke to me that day through him. (See Michael McLean tell his story) This led me to my second thought:
Second – What ways does God speak to me?
I’m going to think on this one a bit. I know that God has spoken to me, but I feel like there are ways he speaks to his children that I haven’t been as open to as I would have liked. I can’t wait to explore this more in a few weeks!
Third – God took over and led me to these good finds!
Remember, my child, you are never alone.
Joshua 1:9 – No matter what we face, no matter what we fear God is with us. Therefore we can be strong, we can have courage!
None Were With Him – Jeffrey R. Holland – “Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are.” After reading these I felt stronger, and my inner conflicts about the existence of God was satisfied.
Fourth – a snippet from my wrap-it-up notes
I am constantly getting to know more and more about God and His ways. He surprises me sometimes. Most times, I can undoubtedly say that he is someone I can trust. He has proven that to me. Thanks be to God for this one! I needed to know God was there and now I feel Him. I think the biggest reason why I feel Him now is because I didn’t quit in my search even when it got rough. I never gave up on Him, and I chose not to believe anything that told me he was giving up on me. The wait made me know that sometimes life throws things in that make it hard to hear God. Sometimes so many emotions are going on inside of me that the still small voice gets run over, even unintentionally. However, I hear Him now. It isn’t overwhelmingly constant. Instead, it is little reminders that He is still around. I’m grateful for that.
Oh & Don’t Forget!
Sunday at 8 PM MDT tune in for final thoughts on this question that will get your mind and heart feeling! See you then.
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