There’s a story of a little girl, she grew up to be twice her age. Then twice her age again, and again, and again. “Double or nothin,” she’d call this repetitive pattern. Every day before her double or nothin’ birthday, she would say to God, Welp, its double or nothin’ right?! The next morning, God doubled her age and Him and her would laugh – her, out of relief, and Him, she was sure why He was laughing.
Then one year as the time for doubling approached, she made herself busy. She knew deep down the day was going to come, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to be a part of it. Within the last few years, she had been through things people just don’t talk about. She had kind of forgotten to do things she had been told would make it better. Her mind tried to erase the times she laughed with God.
She didn’t want to be doubled again, because all she felt was nothing.
Nothing became a way she defined her life. Nothing really matters her mind would say. Do nothing today. Nothing is that big of a deal. Eventually, the belief, “you are nothing” found a seat at her table, and planned to stay.
Then one day, God yelled, hoping she would hear. To her it came like a small thought. “Double or nothing?”
She smiled. Then suddenly realized she didn’t like “nothing” all that much. She never had, yet her mind clung to it, as if it was giving her something, as if it was her only option. She responded aloud, while sitting at her work desk, “double!” Only a few people stared. Her eyes glanced back down, as her face tried to smile.
The next day, God doubled her efforts. God doubled the heart she put into finding herself again.
Her coworkers and friends noticed something. They weren’t sure what, but they liked it. They knew something had changed. What they didn’t know is who was behind the change.
She secretly hoped, through all her pains and struggles that she would get some credit – something to make people think she was strong again, instead of broken.
So Who Am I?, she asked.
From years of believing I’m nothing: Someone who used to be happy. Someone who used to be social. Someone who used to be able to do more with less. Someone who used to be less anxious and full of fear?
Who am I really?
True response: Someone whose life and efforts are worth doubling.
She sat for a long time, alone that night. Her warm drink ran cold but still kept her cozy. For the first time in long while, she was excited to make something of tomorrow.
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